Hands up who has got an iPhone? Ok, hands down. Hands up who thinks it’s the best thing in the world and it has changed your life. That many – really? Well, I have to say, I’m with you. It is a pretty funky piece of kit, isn’t it? It’s the apps that make it, as the advert says, there’s an App for anything.
Well, let’s put it to the test, shall we?
Halloween’s coming and like every year, we’re pretty sure that that means it’s the apocalypse. It’s not all Hershey bars and trick or treat. It’s not even all sexy Barista.
It’s a time when quite possibly zombies will take over the Earth, still feeling confident with your Apps and your iPhone? To help, we’ve got 10 apps that will get you through this uncomfortable time and very possibly turn you into a god in the dawn of the new age and get you your very pick of zombie honeys:
Tube New York
Let’s face it, if you’re a Zombie, you’re going to be wanting to catch the sites as well as munching brains, so you’d want to stay in the major cities. But this represents a problem. Half the day is light so you’re going to hide down in the subway. So, this App will keep you safe, and navigate the NY subway system without the fear someone would stick a straw into your head and suck.
Our Zombie friends are misunderstood. They eat brains because that’s all they know. Perhaps they tried chicken once and it was rubbery and undercooked. They have never experienced the joy of polenta. So, when faced with salivating, marauding hordes, show them some nice recipes that you can cook, sans brains. It could turn them, and make you their master. Like Gordon Ramsey.
Halloween Costume Generator
Do we really need an explanation? Blending is the key to this all. Get some drab threads and moan and crave live brains. A way to stay alive if you’re a coward and want to try out a different culture.
Live off the land
So, the cities are awash with brain eating, unhygienic zombies who smell, frankly, like a Frenchman. This App lets you both live harmoniously. They have the city; you have the great outdoors. Healthy aye? Perhaps it would stop the obesity epidemic!
Let’s face it. A post apocalyptic world would be pretty boring. No NFL, no sports and probably no E! So in the major gaps between striking up harmonious relationships with zombies using Apps, foraging for food and hiding from vigilantes in armoured cars, there’s a whole lot of nothing going on. A simple game, so it doesn’t take your battery power, but a brilliant one none the less. My best is a paltry 6.
Perhaps all that needs to be done is for everyone to calm down a bit. Listen to some trance and sit down for a while. A nice relaxing app will perhaps revert the zombies back to ‘normal’ people. Well, if they come from Arkansas, good luck with that one.
Did you know that if mammals lived on just rabbit as a food source they would eventually die. Perhaps that’s where Zombies come from. Anyway when trapped by a group of zombies, don’t reach for the shotgun in a Resident Evil style, show them the nutritional information on a human brain. It might be the reason they’re always tired and have trouble sleeping.
Augmented Reality App
Haven’t heard of this yet? Oh dear, get with web 3.0 man! It’s not going to save you from the zombies as such, but it will make you think twice of blowing their heads away. Snap up your iPhone and you may see that salivating zombie was once Melanie in accounts, as she’s your friend on Facebook. Perhaps you can make her a coffee in the way she liked it and appeal to the final thread of her humanity. Or not.
Powers gone, the national grid is messed up. Those zombies have chewed their way through all the wires somehow, so you need something to light your way, scaring zombies as you do it. This light app will light your way. But beware, it sucks your battery life and with no juice available, you might suffer the consequences.
No there’s no excuse for being caught by those knuckle draggers on a straight running race, is there? As we’ve already covered, they’ve not got the best diets in the world so even if you’re not Usain Bolt you’ll be alright. But, in your down time escaping these things, best to keep on your toes and work out some more.
And finally…I think you may need a solar charger as well. Obviously.
Well, you’re all set now, aren’t you? Go off into the Zombie world and either become their leader or just survive. Just say you owe it all to the lovely iPhone.